Body symptom puzzle solved

In one of my previous posts, I was trying to decipher a couple of my physical symptoms, hoping that I could clear them up and be free from pain. I flogged it for weeks and weeks and I think I've finally cracked it. I took myself off to the chiropractor again and put myself in his hands. Before I did, I sent a message ahead to him through the ethers, saying that I knew that he could heal my shoulder and back and that he needed to dig deep into his intuition to know what to do.

When I got to his office last Friday he approached my shoulder with resolve. We agreed that the back problem was compensating for the shoulder being out and he set to work on getting my shoulder to release. The whole thing loosened a bit and he sent me home with instructions to twist my arm back and forth whenever I thought of it. I returned to see him today and my shoulder had loosened enough that he could pop it back into place. I could hear it! I also felt a wave of fear release at the same time.

That's what I had been waiting for. I wanted to know what emotion was locked up in the joint. When I got home today, I sat quietly and talked to my intuition. Self, I said, what's the fear all about?

I followed the trail. First stop was the original event. I put my shoulder out several months ago when I reached behind the driver's seat in the car and lifted my heavy purse over into the front seat. To do it, I had to twist my arm in a way that I don't normally and it wasn't strong enough. I thought it would heal on its own but it didn't. I just kept doing all that I normally do, including my yoga practice, and before long it was thoroughly inflamed and painful to use.

Next, I wondered about the meaning of the back seat. Aidan rides back there. I wondered if the symptom was from Aidan. Nope. I thought about what is back there. Could this represent something that I have in my metaphorical 'back seat'? Nope, not that either.

Then I remembered remarking that the car acts as a sort of confessional for Fleur. When we drive around together, she talks to me about how she's feeling and what's worrying her. It's as though it's safe in the car. I realized that the metaphorical 'back seat' is where she puts all the stuff that she can't deal with yet. During our drives, I've been trying to pull it into the 'front seat' so we can look at it.

I think my 'right shoulder' is about the responsibility that she now has for running her life and Aidan's, all on her own. She's feeling wrenched by Geoff's death - literally as though her arm has been twisted up her back. And the back problem, right behind my solar plexus, is about her power issues that are surfacing. Funnily enough, she's learning to drive the car right now, so she's facing getting behind the steering wheel of her life. The effect of this particular symptom is that I can't reach, and I especially can't reach behind me, into the past, perhaps. Dealing with losing Geoff and being on her own is a real stretch for her so this is apt.

This leads me to the part that's about me. Even with my shoulder being sore, I have been trying to take Nori to coffee and out to the movies, which involves lifting the chair in and out of the car, occasionally reaching out to grab her if she doesn't hit the chair quite straight, and reaching from behind her chair to take the foot rest off.

In their compromised state, neither my back nor my arm could deal with this. I am forced to acknowledge that I shouldn't be doing these things for her any more, especially not given that I am helping Fleur and Aidan at the same time. If the situation were stable and I could build up my physical strength to deal with it, I might be able to handle her needs. But the strength required is increasing as her abilities decline. I can't say that I see the situation getting better before it gets worse.

We went out for dinner the other night, alone, and I had to maneuver her into a very cramped and poorly designed bathroom. We managed but the acrobatics required to get through a spring-loaded door and around a wall with a very tight angle made my shoulder hurt even more. I'm finding that most restaurants, and movie theatres are badly designed when it comes to accommodating wheelchairs and I just don't have the upper body strength to cope with getting Nori out of tight spots and with the urgency of ever-decreasing bladder control. Basically, the Universe is telling me that I'm not meant to be the wheelchair driver. I've got the message!

I always feel so much better when I finally figure out what the symptoms are telling me. It's like getting the last word in a particularly tricky crossword puzzle!